Stressing About Stress

By Sarah Myers, COLAP Executive Director

“Life ain’t nothing if it ain’t hard;
It’ll show you who you truly are.”
~Chris Cornell, Before We Disappear

We live in difficult times. To be fair, they’ve ALL been difficult times. Political tyrants, plagues, wars, ice ages, genocide, slavery, famine, and financial depressions have provided human beings with plenty of stress. Interestingly, historical research and analysis suggests that the present day is actually the safest time in human history. So why are we so stressed? And why are we doing such a bad job coping with it?

First, it can be easy to get caught up in focusing on the horrible things going on but not many of the positives. Social media and 24/7 news keep us on high alert. Technology contributes to our attention being split in many directions at once, making it difficult to engage in life mindfully. We are also bombarded with well-being advice from influencers and therapeutic entrepreneurs who are often lacking the credentials and experience to ethically assist behavioral health issues. Over the years, such individuals and organizations have increasingly targeted the legal community with predatory marketing. Much of the wellness related content in this type of advertising has one goal: to convince you that something is wrong with you and your life (i.e., you missed the memo on how to be happy), and that if you buy a service or product, your life will be better. They have done an excellent job; it is a multitrillion-dollar industry erroneously promoting the concept that external factors can impact what is, in fact, an inside job.

There are a few research-backed and evidenced-based tips to keep in mind when you are faced with predatory marketing, or when you are stressed about your stress:

1. You didn’t miss the memo. Happiness is not a permanent state of being or a marker of success. It is a fleeting moment in time. Just like all the emotions, it can’t last because our bodies don’t exclusively hang on to one emotion love, joy, anger, irritation, rage, depression, anxiety, curiosity, and all the others are chemical interactions throughout the brain and body that are constantly in flux. Like the weather in Colorado, give it a few minutes and it will change. If you are stuck on a feeling that means that your thoughts are creating a type of hamster-wheel with those chemicals (i.e., continuing the release of adrenaline). Thankfully, you can foster some level of control over your thoughts, so mind them carefully and shift your focus when you get stuck. Focusing on gratitude, finding the humor in a situation, or thinking big picture when the details bog you down can help you step off the cognitive hamster wheel of rumination. Sometimes we cannot see a way to get ourselves out of the rut. If you are stuck in an emotional pattern that is negatively impacting your life, get help from a licensed clinical or medical provider, not the internet.
2. Your body is made to cope with the stress going on in your own life. You will go through tough times, and your system will figure out how to cope. What your body is NOT made for is coping with everyone else’s stress. Reduce your exposure to the news and social media or try to establish a greater balance between media that makes you feel optimistic, hopeful, or connected to others with media you find stressful. Don’t take on other people’s stress, and don’t focus extensively on things that you have zero control over. This can be hard to do in a profession dedicated to other people’s issues and suffering, so consult with professionals, colleagues, or mentors on how to set psychological boundaries. Or contact COLAP; our entire team are licensed behavioral health clinicians, our services are free and confidential, and most of our calls for assistance revolve around empathic strain, secondary trauma, and burnout.
3. Laugh more. Deathbed regret research has never reported people saying, I wish I hadn’t had such a good time or I wish I had been more stressed and taken myself more seriously. The regrets are about working too hard, not being true to themselves, not letting themselves be happier, not staying in touch with people they cared about, and not leaving a bad job.
4. The pressure to live your best life is a patronizing and elitist concept. Like the term peak performance, both have been adopted in well-being service and product advertising to sell you something. Life can’t possibly be the best all the time, nor can you always be operating at a peak. Life is all about ups and downs. How you navigate those, and what you do with your time, is something that you determine, not a standard someone else has created. Consider instead: how do you want to spend your time? Who do you want to be around? Who deserves your attention? Who appreciates you? What interests bring you the most joy? Spend more of your mental and physical time focusing on the real stakeholders in your life rather than solely on clients, employers, politicians, opposing counsel, or anyone you don’t respect, or who doesn’t appreciate you. Focus more of your attention on the family, friends, or colleagues that support you, and on subjects or projects that foster meaning and fulfillment.
5. Most of all, trust your future self. When you worry or perseverate about something, remember that by the time you are dealing with the thing you are stressed about, you’ll be even wiser than you are now. Trust that person will make the best decision, or choose the right words to use, with the information they have at that time.

It has been an honor and a privilege to serve you over the past 12 years. I gave this program everything I had. COLAP is here for you, and it will continue to be a phenomenal free and confidential behavioral health resource for our legal community. But after 25 years in Colorado, I’m taking my own advice and returning to the East Coast. When the time comes, my hope is that you will also have the courage to make difficult decisions in order to take care of yourself and those you love.

Peace out Colorado ♥